Untitled Poem #610

I still remember you, I still feel loving you in my whole body. No matter what I do I can’t seem to forget.

You still bubble just beneath my skin. You still rumble in my belly. You still dance up from my toes to the top of my head.

I can still feel you right up against my body. I can still fell the want for you, for us to become one, inside me.

I still hear you laugh and everytime I do, I smile, I feel joy begin to brew in my head.

I still feel pain I caused you. I’m still sorry.

I still hold every piece of us close, for as long as it will last. Soaking up every bit of whatever you gave me, whatever you left, the little I was brave enough to keep, even if it’s pain and nothing more. At least there’s still something of you, of yours for me to keep.

Still a piece of me wants for something of us to be sweet, I still want it all to have been for something.

Learning is nice but loving is better.

I still remember, still feel losing you in my whole body. Can still feel the shock of electricity ripple through me. Can still feel my breath shorten. Can still feel the wave of panic nearly pull me under.

Can still remember the nights I spent feasting on my own tears. Can still hear my heart shatter, can still hear my spirit wail.

Can still feel my friends’ hands picking me up off the floor.

Sometimes can’t see anything except the haunting images of you, in my dreams, in my nightmares, in my peripherals.

I miss when I didn’t have to dream you. I miss when dreaming you was but a loving visit.

I miss the you before you became an ill-behaved, ill-fated ghost.

I miss when you were a real person I could touch.

I miss even the times before I understood you for the full and flawed human that you are.

I miss the days before I knew all that you are capable of, all that you really are. I don’t care what anybody says about loving and losing, I could’ve done without living through the eye of your storm.